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  Fisting my dripping dick, I guide it slowly into her tight sheath. My legs quiver as she grips and releases me, sucking me further into her body.

  With her hips in my hands, I slowly withdraw feeling her wet walls grasp at my cock as though she’s trying to keep me from leaving before I plow back inside.

  Slowly retreating again, I hold still with the bulbous head of my shaft surrounded by her clenching entrance. The length of my dick is a live wire leading straight to my balls, one more stroke and I’m going to be in heaven.

  She shoves herself back onto me, and starts coming, setting alight the fuse, which travels the length of my cock to my balls before they explode.

  I close my eyes tightly while trying to breathe through the pleasure she’s wringing out of me. Her tight pussy isn’t letting up and continues to flutter up and down my length, milking me. I’m surprised she hasn’t snapped me in two with how strong her spasms are. But fuck, I’ve lost all sense of everything right now, except what her pussy is doing to my cock.

  ~*~*~*~

  Having Sabrina snuggled into the front of me has my heart pounding, but it’s fear I feel when I start to crave her touch on my skin.

  Because of the scarring to my body, I’ve kept on my long sleeved tee shirt that I wear all the time beneath my shirts. Half of my closet is full of them.

  Tonight I’d come to talk to her, which I hoped would lead to us fuckin’ each other’s brains out, but I never expected to have real feelings for her. And it’s those that are urging me to run and never look back.

  If I thought for one minute that running would get rid of her from my head, I would.

  As my hand caresses over her naked form, I know that I’m not ready to walk away from her yet, which is where my proposal comes in. Nobody can get hurt with a proposal, right?

  “Hey,” she mumbles, bringing my eyes up from her hip to her sleepy ones.

  I’m tempted to bend and kiss her on the nose with how cute she looks snuggled against me.

  Quickly untangling myself from her before I follow through with my plans, she frowns and reaches for the covers.

  I don’t stop her.

  “Can you put something on? I want to talk to you.”

  “Okay.”

  I walk out into the lounge, and briefly sit down on the cream colored sofa before standing and going to look out of the window. The dark night sparkles with streetlights but it seems empty outside as I watch a lone car navigating the streets below. It rounds a corner and fades out of sight when I hear her walk into the room behind me. She didn’t make me wait long.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Why do I suddenly feel like the biggest bastard in history?

  Raking my hands through my hair, I turn and stare at her for a moment deciding if this was the right thing to ask. It was the reason why I came over here but now I wonder if she won’t be insulted when I ask.

  “Lucien?”

  What the hell.

  “I want you.” I laugh. “Okay, I guess by now that’s obvious, but what I’m trying to say is that I don’t do relationships. If you agree to be with me I’m not going to offer you marital bliss. It’s just going to be about wants. Mine…yours…the hot way that we connect.” I wave towards the sofa where I took her earlier and feel a thrill of triumph as passion fills her eyes.

  “It’s just two adults coming together for a mutual release.” I pause and take a deep breath, knowing this is going to be the kicker. “I need you to keep it quiet from our families.” My fists clench. “We’re also exclusive. I’m not having you going from me to someone else, or from them to me.”

  Fuck. Why the hell did I have to say the last out loud? The thought of her with anyone else makes me see red. There’s no chance of me going with anyone else because the only woman I want is standing in front of me, fighting to keep a neutral expression on her face. She’s the only one I can get a fuckin’ hard-on for, not even my fist works. If I weren’t so damaged, she’d be the woman I’d want permanently in my life. It wasn’t just her body that grabbed my attention from the first it was the whole package.

  Her eyes darken with some hidden emotion as she tightens her mouth in thought. When she finally says something, her voice is cordial—friendly, but lacking the spark of passion that is usually there.

  “Okay. No-strings sex.” Her eyes search mine and I nod even though it wasn’t a question, as she continues, “Exclusive to each other—I can do that. Give me a call tomorrow, I need sleep.”

  With that, she turns on her heel and disappears back into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

  Fuck! Why do I feel like I’ve just broken her heart?

  Chapter Three

  Sabrina

  Three months later…

  The blanket bunches under my hands and I feel an ache in my knees as I’m thrust forward. Lucien’s hands bite into my hips as he fucks me from behind and I feel the sting of tears in my eyes. All this should turn me on, but all I want to do is cry. Since the night he came to my apartment we’ve been seeing each other, but only after Lucien made sure I knew it was just for sex. Before he let me know it would never be anything else. I still can’t believe I agreed to it. We don’t do much talking. In fact, we don’t do much of anything unless it involves us both being naked.

  Lucien won’t let me touch him. He insists on having the room pitch black while he strips most of his clothes from his body, keeping his tee shirt on. This makes me nervous each and every time, until he cups my face in his hands and kisses me. As soon as our lips meet, everything flies out of my head. He arouses me like no one else ever has. He reaches a part of me that I didn’t even realize was there. A lump catches in my throat because as much as this means to me, it means nothing to him. This thing between us is he and I letting off steam, giving each other a mutual release. For me, it’s so much more because my heart has gotten involved, which is why I feel close to tears.

  For the past couple of weeks I’ve felt a shift in Lucien. He still kisses me with as much passion as he always has, but when we come together, he makes me face away from him. As though he can’t abide to look at me, and it hurts. It hurts a lot. I’m really not sure I can go on like this anymore.

  I love him and to walk away from him would break my heart in two, but being with him like this is starting to make me sick. I’m a complete mess lately. I’ve lost weight. I’m avoiding my friends because I know they’ll end up finding out what’s going on. And my best friend is Lily, the very woman I should be confiding in, is the woman who has Lucien’s heart. I’m positive that she does, which is why he warned me this could never be anything else.

  But today, for the first time, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to hold my tears at bay.

  Lucien continues to pound into me as his hands start to roam up my body to cup my breasts. As he starts to pinch my nipples, his position changes, which causes him to slip deeper. I’d usually explode in pleasure at this point, but my lust for him has disappeared today. A first.

  My tears seep out from the corner of my eyes as he rubs my clit, but my body is unable to react to his touch the way it usually does. I feel empty, devoid of passion and lust for the only man I have ever felt love towards.

  “Fuck!” he growls, gripping my hips again. He does a couple more thrusts before I feel him coming inside me, my name on his lips in a whisper when he does.

  We don’t use anything after having the protection talk at the beginning—I’m on the pill and he’s clean having not had sex for years. I found this incredulous at first, but with how he uses my body as though he’s making up for lost time, I believe him.

  There’s nothing like feeling him sliding inside me bareback. He makes my toes tingle with pleasure—usually.

  Lucien collapses on top of me, pushing me into the quilt before rolling onto his side and slipping out of me. He doesn’t touch me while he’s catching his breath.

  Feeling lost and neglected, I curl into the fetal position away from him and let my tears
fall. I won’t be doing this again. I can’t do this to myself anymore.

  “Sabrina?”

  “What?” I can’t keep the tears out of my voice.

  “You usually come first. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you next time.”

  If he cared enough he’d be saying he’d make it up to me now not next time.

  Without looking in his direction, I roll from the bed and quickly dash towards the bathroom. Once inside, I lock the door, and turning the shower on, I climb in and sink to the floor with tears streaming down my face. My body starts shaking as great wracking sobs take over. This is what he’s done to me. I should have said no when he asked me for sex, but…I hadn’t and I’m now paying the price with a broken heart.

  What’s wrong with me? Why do guys think I’m good for sex, which before I met Lucien I was very naive about?

  Somehow, I need to work up the strength to tell him I’m not coming back, but how? How am I going to walk away from him knowing that if I’m not here for his needs then he’ll find someone else? It will make me sick seeing him with someone who isn’t me. But being with him is slowly making me sick.

  Pushing my tears away, and trying to pull the rest of me back together, I quickly finish washing up in the shower and turn it off. As I step out, I dry myself with the blue, fluffy towel before pulling on my clothes, which I left hanging in the bathroom. Usually I’d stay naked and let him look—not today.

  Opening the door, I walk out into the lit bedroom. Lucien is dressed and sitting on the end of the unmade bed with his elbows resting on his knees. He turns his head to look at me and watches as I try to ignore him while I shove my feet into my boots.

  Seeing my purse on the table by the door, I don’t bother with fishing out my make up bag, instead, I gather up my things and turn to face him.

  He doesn’t look too happy with his jaw tightening. He’s pissed. Well so am I.

  Unable to stand the silence any longer I blurt out, “This is it. I won’t be coming back.”

  He doesn’t react apart from a twitch at the corner of his left eye, which tells me he isn’t as calm as he wants me to believe.

  “Is this because I took my own pleasure without giving you anything?” He looks embarrassed. “I said I was sorry. You’re usually there with me.”

  “So it’s my fault?”

  He shrugs.

  Bastard!

  “This has nothing to do with you fucking me earlier.” I can’t bring myself to call it anything else.

  “Then why? You usually enjoy yourself.”

  He makes me so sad…and so angry! “This whole arrangement with you is making me sick. This isn’t me. I don’t know who I am any more. I’ve lost weight.” I edge towards the door and when I turn back to him, my tears are flowing down my face again. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this with you again. Please don’t ask me.”

  I dash out of his apartment and practically fall into the elevator.

  What have I done?

  Chapter Four

  Lucien

  Watching her go sends a lance of pain through my chest that I don’t want to think about. I’ve wanted her to walk away from me for a few weeks, but she’s kept coming back for more. That’s why I acted like a fuckin’ bastard today.

  I like hot rough sex just as much as the next guy, but I’ve never left a woman unsatisfied like I just did. The only way I managed to stay hard and finish inside her was with thoughts of the sex we had in the restroom at Kenza. It was hurting me just as much as I knew it was hurting her, and I wouldn’t have been able to stay hard otherwise. I couldn’t take pleasure from how I had her on the bed knowing damn well that she wasn’t enjoying it, but I’d forced the pleasure with images of her writhing under me. I needed her to be the one to walk away.

  She’s the only one since the fire to give me an erection. So it was only natural that I’d want to get her in my bed and under me. I have close to six years of pent up aggression that needed releasing. The only drawback was my fuckin’ heart—I never expected to feel a real emotion for her. I couldn’t, I didn’t want or need something like this. But there she was, slowly sinking under my skin, igniting these feelings, which had started as tiny sparks when we met, into a raging inferno. I couldn’t even be in the same room with her without feeling burned by the sparks flying between us.

  We’d spent months dancing around those sparks, quickly stamping out any fire that they caused…until that night at Kenza changed everything. I'd been unable to stay away, like a dog scenting a female in heat. Or maybe I had been the one in heat. Six years...

  Six years of thinking I would never be intimate with a woman again. Then Sabrina had walked in and chased away every doubt regarding intimacy. My body had started to come back to life…slowly at first, then with an uncomfortable quickness—that night in Kenza, I’d had the hardest fucking cock I could ever remember having.

  It had wanted in Sabrina’s warmth. Afterwards with our clothes back to rights, I couldn’t bring myself to walk away from her and had taken her back to my place where I’d fucked her all damn night. Two nights later our no strings sex had started. In fact, she’d surprised the hell out of me when she’d accepted my offer. I think she’d surprised herself as well.

  I knew it hurt her when I wouldn’t take her from the front, but I couldn’t risk her touching me. I couldn’t risk seeing the repulsed look on her face when she felt the mess of my damaged skin. And that is now the reason why I had to make her leave me. I needed her to hate me enough that she wouldn’t want me again. Because I know myself, and if I’d been the one to stop this then I probably would have lasted two days tops before I was ready to break her door down to get to her. This way she hates me.

  I rub a hand over the pain in my chest at what I’ve done to her…and me…

  I’m not a bad guy and, as far as I’m aware I’ve never hurt anyone the way I’ve just done. I don’t have a problem admitting that I love my parents and my family. My brothers and I might piss each other off, but at the end of the day, we’re there for each other. Carla and Rosie have Sebastian and Ruben so tied in knots that I find it hilarious watching the interaction between them. They’re both pussy whipped. They don’t have a problem admitting that, either.

  And then there’s Lily, Michael’s wife, and my best friend. Even I admit it’s a strange relationship that I have with her. I fully understand why people always think there is more going on than what there ever has been or ever will be but I can’t really explain the connection to them without going into other things.

  When I’d first met Lily, she’d been the only woman in a long time to not flinch when she shook my hand. She held her own with me and didn’t treat me with kid gloves. I’d immediately felt a connection to her that had nothing to do with sex, although it took a bit for Michael and my brothers to realize this.

  Lily just saw me, and, for reasons I can’t decipher, she’s become my best friend. I’d lie if I didn’t admit to hoping for more, which lasted all of thirty seconds. She’s a beautiful woman and has my brother wrapped around her little finger, just like my niece and nephew. Michael has no chance.

  Way back when, I thought I’d have all what Michael has now, but everything changed the night of the accident. Once I was on the road to recovery I realized it wasn’t in my future anymore. I mean who’d want to wake up next to me for the rest of their life.

  My brothers know I’m alone by choice even though it’s been left unsaid between us for a while now. They seem to have given up trying to get me to start dating again. I’m just not interested. Whether or not my impotence had anything to do with that I couldn’t say. I just wasn’t interested—until Sabrina.

  She knows about my injuries and doesn’t seem bothered by them—for now. The amount of times she’s tried to reach for me while we’ve been naked has nearly had me giving in to her. If I’m honest with myself, I crave her touch more than I’ve ever craved anything. In the end, I just couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to take the disgus
t in her eyes when she touched the scars and realized how deeply they ran. So I’d stopped her. I know that I hurt her every time, but I don’t think I’d have survived if she’d turned away from me in disgust.

  I’ve been there before. Watched a woman who was supposed to love me turn away in disgust. It had been hard but I survived Alyssa, my girlfriend at the time, walking away from me because of my damaged body. I don’t think I could survive the same treatment from Sabrina. She’s different than anyone I’ve ever known and that scares the shit out of me. So I made her leave of her own free will.

  She’s my weakness or rather was my weakness.

  Fuck!

  My hands are itching for me to grab my cell to check up on her. I can’t do that. I needed her to leave me and not look back—to let her anger keep me away from her. But fuck she was upset.

  Grabbing my phone, I dial Ramon and wait as frustration courses through me, impatience at having to wait for him to answer.

  “What?”

  “Well you sound how I feel,” I grumble. “I need you to do me a favor without asking questions. Can you do that?”

  I’m met with silence before he clears his throat. “As long as it’s not going to put me in jail. I kind of like my freedom right now.”

  “Don’t be a dick…fuck…Can you check on Sabrina?” I cringe knowing what’s coming.

  “What the fuckin’ hell have you done to Sabrina? She’s one of Lily’s best friends for God’s sake.”

  “We had an…argument and she left here upset. I can’t go to check on her and if I ask one of the girls, they’ll be too damn nosy. Look, just go and check on her will you, just don’t mention me?”

  “What the hell am I going to say as an excuse for being there? I’ve never shown up unannounced at her place before. Fuck, I’ve never even been to her place before,” Ramon snarls, his agitation clear as day through the phone.

  I sigh and run my hand through my already messy hair. “Look, if you have to, then say I was concerned because of the way she left…but only say something if she asks.”